In the past week or so, I replayed Arkham Asylum and then purchased and played through Arkham City’s main story (I’m still cleaning up a bunch of sidequests). I’ve been reading discussions of it and talking to everyone about it and they are probably a little sick of hearing me talk about it but really playing Batman is the only thing I can think about lately. One thing I hear the most from people though is how much the game makes them  want to be Batman. They want to be the ultimate badass, the ultimate detective. They want to have a cape and swoop around town and beat up 15 guys at a time no matter what weapons they might have. They want a cool car and a cool plane, and cool equipment that can do anything. They think being Batman would be awesome.

As much I love Batman, I do not agree.

And not because I think in real life you would just immediately get shot and die or anything terrible like that. But because it is exhausting to be Batman.

As I traveled from mission to mission, every thing seemed to become even more of an ordeal, with every and any villain getting involved and wanting my attention. Arkham City is group of people all yelling BATMAN! at the tops of their lungs, just hoping that they will be the person I punch next.

Returning to buildings repeatedly resulted in not just having to find one way into a building, but returning later and finding that the previous way is blocked and I need to find another way in. I was pleased to find that in Arkham City, doors were highlighted in detective mode, as I once in Arkham Asylum spent almost 15 minutes trapped in tiny room, unable to determine how I was supposed to get out because I had never thought to try THE DOOR.


I also cannot seem to ignore any cry for help and have a hard time picking what to do at any given time because there is so much to do. I waited a long time to do the Augmented Reality training missions because there was no one to save at the end of them. At one point, I approached a building I was going in and a phone started ringing so I answered it and raced off to answer the other one clear across town. I worked my way back to the building and then right there ANOTHER phone rang and I again answered it and ran clear across town. Then back to the building. And guess what, on the way? ANOTHER PHONE CALL.

I am constantly appalled at the trials of my bat-life. Why, why, why does this stuff keep happening to me? HOW IS THIS MY LIFE? THIS IS THE WORST NIGHT EVER.

So I don’t want to be Batman. I want a game where I get to play as Bruce Wayne.

Rich Bruce Wayne.

I’ll go to philanthropic charity events. I’ll bid on items at silent auctions. I’ll sleep with models and avoid the paparazzi.

It’ll be awesome. Because it’s awesome to be Bruce Wayne.

It’s exhausting being Batman.

But it is fun to punch guys; that’s still totally true.

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