Dr. Polaris’s Outfit: A Short Play

drpolaris

SCENE: Dr. Polaris has taken some people hostage, because why not.

Dr. Polaris: BOW DOWN BEFORE DR. POLARIS!!!

Hostage: Dr. Polaris?? Do you have like, ice powers or something? I don’t really get it.

Dr. Polaris: No I have magnet powers.

Hostage: Wow, I’m really not getting magnet from your whole look..it’s all blue and purple. I really would’ve guessed ice or maybe weather powers or something.

Dr. Polaris: Well I don’t have that, I have magnet powers.

Hostage 2: Yeah, I don’t get where the magnet stuff comes in either. I like the ice thing better, you should go with that.

Dr. Polaris: I DON’T HAVE ICE POWERS. I HAVE MAGNET POWERS.

Hostage: Blue and purple magnets?

Dr. Polaris: GODDAMMIT.

(Leaves, returns with picture of stereotypical horseshoe magnet on chest)

Dr. Polaris: THERE? IS THAT BETTER? YOU GETTING “MAGNET” NOW?

Hostage: Actually yeah that helps a lot.

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A BIRTHDAY IS A DOODLY DOO

This is the playlist I made in a rushed 20 minutes before my birthday party and it is my new favorite thing. I will probably put it on some sort of MUSIC website at some time or something but for now you can just peruse it. I know there’s probably several tracks here you don’t even recognize (who’s John Osebold, what’s a Dakota Smith, how is Head Like a Kite?). I assure you they are awesome and I can point you their way if you wish to know more.

 

Mannergy – “Awesome”
You Left Your Strut On -”Awesome”
Walk Like an Egyptian – The Bangles
One Week – Barenaked Ladies
Intergalactic – Beastie Boys
Just a Friend – Biz Markie
Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang
Shakedown – Bob Seger
Don’t Touch Me (Throw Da Water On ‘Em) – Busta Rhymes
Tear da Roof Off – Busta Rhymes
Hustler’s Anthem 09 – Busta Rhymes & T-Pain
Teach Me How to Dougie – Cali Swag District
Ridin’ – Chamillionaire & Krayzie Bone
Holidae In – Chingy featuring Ludacris & Snoop Dogg
Look At Me Now (feat. Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes) – Chris Brown
Yakety Yak – The Coasters
Gangsta’s Paradise – Coolio
Anything Goes – Cole Porter with Vince Giordano & The Nighthawks
I Wear My Sunglasses At Night – Corey Hart
Tainted Love – The Cure
To The Gas Chamber – Dakota Smith
The Picard Song – DarkMateria
Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell – Das Racist/Wallpaper
Surrender Shepard! – DJ Harbinger
Party Up In Here – DMX
X Gon’ Ghostbust it To Ya – DMX Ghostbusters
Forgot About Dre (feat. Eminem) – Dr. Dre
Kush (feat. Snoop Dogg & Akon) – Dr. Dre
Tell Me When to Go (Featuring Keak Da Sneak) – E-40
Electric Avenue – Eddy Grant
Staggered – Ekstrak (Purgatory music)
Dance Commander – Electric Six
Danger! High Voltage – Electric Six
Gay Bar – Electric Six
Cherchez Laghost – Ghostface Killah
Back Like That (Remix) – Ghostface Killah featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo
The Heat Is On – Glenn Frey
Gin & Juice – The Gourds
We’re Always on the Wrong Side of Sunrise (feat. Tilson) – Head Like A Kite
Your Butt Crack Smile – Head Like A Kite
The Birthday Song – Home Movies
Tipsy (Radio Mix) – J-Kwon
Everybody Gets Laid Tonight – Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter
Are You Jimmy Ray? – Jimmy Ray
HYPEfont – John Osebold
Get’n 2 Know Me – John Osebold
Big – John Osebold
Anyway You Want It – Journey
Those Minerals – Kabuto the Python
Stronger – Kanye West
Can’t Tell Me Nothing – Kanye West
Touch the Sky (Featuring Lupe Fiasco) – Kanye West
Gold Digger (feat. Jamie Foxx) – Kanye West
Power – Kanye West
SexyBack (feat. Timbaland) – Justin Timberlake
Dickhead – Kate Nash
Highway to the Danger Zone – Kenny Loggins
Flik Flok – The Kleptones
Body Jump – The Kleptones
Chess Game At The Gates Of Hell – The Kleptones
Get Low – Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz & Ying Yang Twins
Snap Yo Fingers (Featuring E40 & Sean Paul of Youngbloodz) – Lil Jon
Sexting – Ludacris
Chewabaca – Man or Astroman?
Commander Shepard – (Barbra Streisand) Mass Effect
U Can’t Touch This – MC Hammer
Brand New Key – Melanie
Safety Dance – Men Without Hats
Rodeo – Method Man
My Dick – Mickey Avalon
Hot in Herre – Nelly
Ride Wit Me – Nelly featuring City Spud
99 Red Balloons – (German) Nena
Why Do You Build Me Up – ODB
Don’t Go Breaking My Heart – ODB and Macy Gray
Turtle Power – Partners in Kryme
Sledgehammer – Peter Gabriel
1999 – Prince
Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
Barbie Girl – Rammstein
Hungry Like The Wolf – Reel Big Fish
Down with the Sickness – Richard Cheese
Everyday I’m Hustling – Rick Ross
Shia LaBeouf – Rob Cantor
Let’s Go To The Mall – Robin Sparkles
Its Tricky – Run DMC
Kiss From A Rose – Seal
Crazy – Seal
Garbage Truck – Sex Bob-Omb
Gangsta Luv (feat. The-Dream) – Snoop Dogg
I Am A Man of Constant Sorrow – The Soggy Bottom Boys
Pocket Full Of Kryptonite – Spin Doctors
Puttin’ On The Ritz – Stray Cats
Come Sail Away – Styx
Mr.Roboto – Styx
Eye Of The Tiger – Survivor
Church – T-Pain featuring Teddy Verseti
Money In the Bank – Swizz Beatz
Scrub Close To Me – TLC & The Cure
Hey Mickey – Toni Basil
Ninja Rap (Go Ninja Go!) – Vanilla Ice
Yeah! (feat. Lil’ Jon & Ludacris) – Usher
Two Type of Bitches (featuring Pimpin Ken & Dizzee Rascal) – UGK
Everybody Have Fun Tonight – Wang Chung
Everybody Walk the Dinosaur – Was Not Was
Men In Black – Will Smith
Will 2K (Featuring K-Ci) – Will Smith
Wild Wild West (Featuring Dru Hill & Kool Mo Dee) – Will Smith
Nod Ya Head (The Remix) (Featuring Christina Vidal and Tra-Knox) – Will Smith
The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air – Will Smith
California Love – 2Pac, Roger Troutman & Dr. Dre


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